recap.

I think I've put off blogging now for so long that I don't even know where to start.

We made the 800 mile drive to California and spent Christmas with my family. The weather was so nice the entire time! It didn't really feel like Christmas though, since we usually have at least some rain or cold weather, if not snow. We went into Sacramento with my sister one day and had sushi at Arigato, my favorite place. It was amazingly delicious, as always. Sterling even loved it. Then we finished up last-minute shopping at the mall, which was incredibly crowded and crazy. After being in Idaho for the past year, California overwhelms me a bit at times. And it's weird how diverse it is!

Christmas was good, we got lots of good stuff. I'm excited to put our new fitted sheets on our bed, Sterling tore off our old ones every night in his sleep. So we spent a week in California in all. It was sad leaving. What made it so hard this time is the fact that I have no idea when the next time I'll see my family is.

Then we made our way to Grace to see the Stoddard side. Have I mentioned how much I love Southeast Idaho? We took a new way to Grace this time, and we definitely liked it better. We also stopped in Ogden on our way back to use a giftcard at a restaurant that we got for the wedding. It was for $100, so we went a little crazy. Hellllo lobster, prime rib, and bacon-wrapped tenderloins! Pretty delicious.

We had our Stoddard Christmas party on Thursday night. Sterling got a Dallas Cowboys knit hat and argyle socks that he just loves, and I got a good new cookbook. And I pretty much owned the Candy Bar Game, I must say. In the very last second of the game, I won back the much-desired Idaho Spud Bar. Oh yes :)

We went over to Sander's Furniture in Soda Springs the other day to use the money that people gave us there for the wedding. We had over $1000 in credit there! So we picked out a nice new bed and a dresser. We still have a couple hundred dollars left to spend sometime down the road when we want to buy a nice dining room table or something. We're leaving the bed and dresser down here for now though, since we're only going to be in Moscow for another 5 months or so. I can't wait to use it! 

Last night, we went down to Dayton to view the pictures from our wedding. We're really happy with them! We picked out over 100 that our photographer will make prints of for us. I'm excited to see them and put together a nice photo album. 

So here we are now, we'll stay in Grace until Tuesday, then we'll head back up to Moscow in time for my birthday on Thursday. We'll be coming back to Grace again at the end of January because Sterling's sister is leaving for her mission. 

Tonight is New Year's, but we're just going to be an old married couple and hang out at home. I will make sure we stay up until midnight though, at least!

another P.S.

Our friend posted pictures from the White Elephant party I mentioned a few posts back, and I have to share one. I just absolutely love it. Too funny :)

all the foods of Christmas.

Every year, my family hosts Christmas Eve at my parents' house with most of my mom's side. And every Christmas Eve for the last, oh, probably 8 years or so, I've been in charge of the desserts. That is my forte.  Usually cookies, some fudge, and either a cheesecake or layer cake of some new flavor I decide to experiment with.

I'm pretty excited this year, mostly because I've barely baked at all this semester. All I've made really are my favorite cookie recipe that I made all the time. So I'm looking forward to experimenting with new recipes. Red velvet cheesecake, homemade almond roca, and some sort of cookies are on the list this year. So, of course, I've spent the last hour browsing Tastespotting. It's nice not having school to worry about anymore, because I don't feel guilty about spending so much dang time drooling over recipes online!

Tomorrow I'm starting the holiday baking storm. Gonna make some cookies and test out that almond roca recipe and give them to our friends. Our friends, the Bowles', brought over some (amazing) gingersnaps and cheesecake bites the other night, so now we need to return the favor with Christmas goodies too! Great excuse to bake, right?

I also give the Bowles' full credit for us finally having a clean apartment.

The other evening, Sterling and I were taking a nice nap. A text from Justin asking if we were home woke me up. I told him we were, and he asked if he and Annie, his wife, could stop by our place with goodies. I woke Sterling up and frantically told him we needed to tidy up our apartment quickly so they could stop by. Sterling said he bet they were already on their way. Turns out he knows Justin pretty well!

Now, when I say our place was a mess, I mean it was seriously a mess. Like, a full-on hazardous waste filled disaster zone. I don't even know how it got so bad. Our living room had random articles of clothing all over the floor (for some reason I moved the full-length mirror into there a few weeks ago, accidentally turning the living room into the "dressing room"), and wedding presents and wrapping paper everywhere. Our kitchen had Sterling's attempt at making cookie bars (poor guy...I had to race to work, leaving him to finish the recipe....he accidentally left out a couple crucial ingredients :)) sitting, and staling, on the stove. Our bedroom was awful, with quilts and clothes and study notes and textbooks all over the place.

So anyway, the Bowles' showed up, and I resorted to closing as many doors as I could and then apologizing for our apartment being disgusting.

And then doing a serious deep-cleaning of the entire apartment the next day.

I want to be comfortable with people stopping by whenever! We love having visitors, so we need to make it possible for friends to make a surprise visit without us being embarrassed of our piggyness.

So now, I'm happy to announce, our apartment is just lovely. It's cute and clean and organized, and we love it. And we're now getting ourselves into the habit of keeping it clean. And we're doing pretty good. Clothes are in the hamper, dishes are washed everyday, trash is taken out often, bed is made everyday. It feels great. And Sterling is doing so good, I must say! He's the resident bed-maker.

On Wednesday we're heading to California for a week with my family, then going to Grace to see the Stoddard side for a little less than a week probably. Then we'll get back and it'll be my birthday! This is my favorite time of the year. Can I also mention how excited I am to have sushi while we're in CA? I already talked my sister into taking a trip to Sacramento with us just to get sushi. Oh, yum.

yuck.

Oh, and P.S.: Whyyy does THIS have to happen?!

It's cold. And I slip a lot. No, really. A LOT. And I hate driving in it.

I know, I don't know why I choose to live in Idaho, either, if I hate snow so much.

final season.

I'm 2 hours away from taking my last final of the semester. I was one of those unlucky people that had the majority of their finals on the last two days of finals week. Moscow lost about 60% of its population by Wednesday. We realized this when we went to Winco last night and it was practically empty. Funny how college towns work.

Anyway, I should pass all of my classes. Anatomy will likely be a D, which is bad, yes, but it counts for credit, which is all that matters to me right now. Chemistry should be a C, which again, is nice, because I've been stressing over that class as well. Sports Nutrition is an A, and my other two classes should be B's.

College is funny sometimes. See, I slaved over anatomy. I studied a ton, I went to class religiously, I was truly interested in it, and I learned more in that class than in any other class I've taken throughout my college career. Yet, I'm practically failing it. And Chemistry? I hardly ever went to the lecture section of this class. I kept up with the homework and got A's on every assignment in the lab section of the course. But the lecture? Nah. I can't really honestly say I've learned a thing in that class. Yet I'm getting a better grade in there than in anatomy? It doesn't make sense.

Same with my two nutrition classes. Sports Nutrition is a very upper level class. Intro to Foods is not. It's the lowest nutrition class UI offers. But I have almost 100% in sports nutrition. Actually, every single one of my nutrition classes I've ever taken are a higher level than Into to Foods, yet in Intro I have the lowest grade, and I had the hardest time with.

What the heck, college?

tuesday tuesday

I got my wedding band yesterday. I'm pretty overjoyed about it.

 

(excuse the crappy cell phone picture)

 Helllllllloooo more bling! And I feel married for real now, I told Sterling. You know, cause it was for fake before ;)

In other news, I have a love/hate relationship with finals week. I hate it for obvious reasons. Um, hardcore exams? Stress? Studying? No thank you. But not having actual classes all week? Yes please. I like freedom and doing whatever I please all day. And, you know, squeezing in a bunch of studying, I suppose. I think I'll like next week better. Or the next 3 weeks, is more like it.

Next week we just have to drive to California (that's 15 hours, by the way) on whichever day we decide. Next Friday was our original plan, but I don't think I'll get any work at all next week, so if we get too bored of just hanging out at our cable-less, internet-less apartment, we'll make the trip to my parents fully equipped [with cable, internet (that's a new development, by the way! They're in the sticks, remember?), and food-stocked kitchen] house. We'll just see. I like having our options.

Yet more exciting news: Sterling is all signed up to graduate in the spring! I filled out his application and paid the fee yesterday. That's right, I did. I also filled out his extensive "Graduating Senior Survey" that's required. It must be nice having a wife, right?

the married people.

Being in a married student ward is much nicer than our old singles ward. Those people started getting a little weird. Sterling says this is because all of the normal Mormons get married off quickly then only the...uh...eccentric ones are left. That's how it is in Moscow at least.

So we were pretty excited to join the married ward. And it's great. The people are nice, it's great having other married couples around who are more on the same page as us, and there are cute babies EVERYWHERE. Seriously, I spend the majority of my church time watching babies. During all of Sacrament meeting today, Sterling and I were watching 3 adorable little boys play together. Babywatching-- It's my new favorite pastime.

The only bad thing about the married ward is that I feel young. Very, very young. Nearly everyone has been married for years and has multiple kids! The thing is though, they aren't even that much older than me. I know there are plenty of other people who are my age in our ward! But I feel like the baby of the ward because I'm new to this whole married life thing and I don't have a baby on my hip. Sterling feels uneducated in our new ward. It seems like every guy we talk to is working on his masters or doctorate.

It's a weird world we just entered into, I tell ya.

mormons and keggers.

I feel like I've been dead this past week. And I feel like that'll continue for awhile. Is it because it's the end of the semester? Or perhaps I have Mononucleosis and just don't realize it? Or am I not filling my days with enough exciting and fun things? I have no idea, but I'm ready to be a living, normal person again.

I want to sleep my days away, and sometimes I do. I had a full night's sleep Thursday night, woke up and Sterling drove me to my nutrition class at 8am Friday morning, it lasted half an hour, he picked me up, we went home and napped until I had to work and he had to meet a friend for racquetball at 1pm. One! And I was still dead tired all day. And today is a lovely Saturday that I should spend doing something fun and worthwhile, but all I can think about is going home to squeeze in a nap before we go to a pizza party with our ward at 6.

I was able to drag my lazy self out to our friends Christmas party last night. It was a good time, with White Elephant shenanigans and all. It was with our non-member friends, who we love dearly. I'm sure most Mormons don't go to your typical college party complete with dozens of drunk people and loud music and girls wearing basically nothing, and it's probably a frowned-upon thing, but we still go. This set of friends who we go with are really great people, and they accept that we're Mormon, and we have fun with them.

And it is pretty interesting being the only sober people at a party. You see a lot of things that most people don't notice, I think. And you learn a lot about people. There are, of course, really annoying moments as well, though. Like the very-intoxicated girl from our old ward who decided to stumble over to us and loudly proclaim, "We're the worst Mormons EVERRRrrrR!!!" Uh, no sweetie, leave us out of this. We can still stand up straight.

Anyway, it's interesting stuff. And though we do have fun, it makes me really really want to move to Southeast Idaho even more. Moscow is fun, but I'm pretty ready to have more Friday night options than either staying home and renting a RedBox, or going to a kegger. Just sayin'.

possibilities are washing over me

I've been going a little crazy lately applying Sterling for jobs for after he graduates this May. The other day, I probably applied to at least 20. I've decided to get a little adventurous and apply him for jobs outside of Idaho in places that I'd be interested in living for a little while.

I figure we're at a place in our lives where we're able to pick up and move to a different place for a little while, so why not do it if the opportunity arises? We could do it for a year or so until he gets a job he wants in Southeast Idaho, then we'll make our home there permanently. It would be fun. He knows I'm doing this, don't worry. I'd have to delay my last year of school for a bit (or pay a ton of out-of-state tuition again), but I'm okay with that. I'm going to get my degree. I'm not going to drop out of college with only 2 semesters away from a degree. It will happen, I promise. But if we have the opportunity to go experience something new and I have to take a year off, I'm doing it.

I went a little too crazy the other day and was applying him for jobs in Australia even. Yeah, that probably won't happen. Today though, I applied him for a bunch of positions at Con Agra, which is where he had an internship, so he probably has a decent chance getting hired through them. I applied to positions in Washington (Tri-Cities), Colorado (outside of Denver), Omaha, Nebraska, Tennessee, and good old Twin Falls, Idaho. Honestly, I'd love to live in Tennessee for a little while. It's in Memphis!!!

I'm probably getting myself a little over-excited right now. But it's fun to consider all the possibilities! Even if we end up just moving to SE Idaho in May, I'd still love that. I'm ready for this to start happening!

he's learning.

Yesterday was a very Mondayish kind of Monday. I was tired and not looking forward to these next two weeks of finals hell. Then the hot chocolate machine on campus exploded on me. I pressed the button and hot water and powder came spraying out on me. It wasn't pleasant.

Then I lost Sterling. His phone was dead, so I clarified that he was going to meet me outside my class when it got done, then we'd go together to another building across campus and I'd wait for him while he had a job interview. He apparently missed this plan entirely. So when he's not waiting for me after class, I race across campus and up to the 4th floor of the library, thinking he's just on the computer and lost track of time (this happens often). He's not there. I race back to the building where my class was, to check if he was there now. Nope. So I go to the AgSci building (where his interview was) and track down the office of whom I'm told is the only Lorie in the department (I only knew the lady he was meeting with's first name) and wait outside her office for 15 minutes, thinking he must either be in there or he'll show up there soon.

Finally, some lady shows up and tells me Lorie isn't even in her office. So I give up and decide I'll just walk home and hope he shows up there sometime, even though I have his housekeys and I have to leave for work in half an hour. As I'm walking out of the building, I see my adorable husband walking away across the lawn. I don't know what to do, since yelling his name across the quad or running after him would both be equally embarrassing. But I don't want to lose him again. So I do a mixture of both running and yelling. Classy, right?

So we're reunited. And he doesn't understand my frustration, since he missed our plan entirely and thought I was just going to wait for him outside of my class for half an hour. And apparently the Lorie he was meeting was on the third floor, not the first. Then after apologizing and dealing with me being grumpy the first half of our walk home, he begins laughing at the fact that I was near-tears when I finally tracked him down. Alright, I was a little worked up.

Did I mention that he did pretty much the exact same thing a couple of weeks ago? That time, he didn't hear me clarify that we're going to go shopping right after his class, and he instead thought I was in class all day and decided to sit in the computer lab playing Settlers of Catan or whatever it is that he does. And of course his phone was dead, so I was sitting at home wondering if he was alive or not, and getting pretty angry.

I think he's learned a little about listening and good communication now. And he now knows to not get annoyed with me if I repeat our plans to him five times :)

And in case anyone's wondering, he got the job. And I paid our tithing! Ya see how that works?!

december.

Yesterday The Husband and I both ditched work and school and took a day trip up to Coeur D'Alene. We went to the Social Security Office and changed my name, so I am now legally and officially Kelli Stoddard. Ahh, love that. I have to wait until my birthday next month to get my first Idaho license with my new name on it though. When you turn 21, you have to get a new license anyway, so it's useless to pay money to get one for a month.

This coming week, I have to go through all the hoops with the University to change my name on records and receive my residency, as well as update both our FAFSA's. Hopefully now that we're poor, married, college students we will receive a lot of financial aid. Cross ya fingers.

We also Christmas shopped and got about 96% of it done. And it's only December 3rd!

Sterling and I know pretty much everything we're getting for each other. Mostly because I've bought both of my gifts from him myself. Heh heh. A custom Cowboys shirt (with Stoddard on the back!) and a diamond band for my wedding ring, thankyouverymuch.

When we were first engaged, I really wanted a band and was searching everywhere for one, but was too picky and didn't like how any looked with my ring. It's hard to find one that fits how I want! So I gave up and forgot about it. But now, after we're married, I want one again. I'm convinced everyone is going to think I'm just engaged forever if I don't get a band. So the nice Husband agreed to get me one, since I spent a good chunk of money on his Kindle (though gift cards covered the majority of it). So I found a pretty one and hopefully I'll get over my pickyness and just be happy I have a band. Or I'll just wear it on the other hand, if I don't. Either way, I'm happy :)

I'm happy to announce that our apartment is on it's way to finally being in order. We did some serious cleaning today. There's still a handful of things to do (I have to scrub a toilet and bathtub for the first time in my life. Oh, adulthood.), but you can actually walk through all the rooms now. Ha.

Aaaand that is all of the ever-so-interesting news from the Stoddard Newlyweds. 

I saw the light

I have a confession. I'm horrible with tithing. And when I say I'm horrible with tithing, what I mean is that I don't pay it. Like, ever. Sterling isn't exactly any better than me, either. And with a bishop for a father-in-law, we've heard our fair share of lectures, warnings, and testimonies.

But still, we chose to keep that 10% of our money, because it's reallyreally hard to give away precious money when you're poor college students. And I need to eat things other than just Top Ramen.

But ya know what? I'm starting to get it now. This last week we've had some unfortunate events happen that are draining the bank account. Like my dear husband, who got us a speeding ticket on the way home from SE Idaho (the cop was really a jerk though, I must add).

And today, when I got an email from the university informing me that my insurance was randomly selected to be audited, since U of I requires all students to have health insurance. Well, the thing is, I only had insurance for a couple of months this semester, since there was a gap of no insurance between transferring from my dad's to my mom's. And now that we're married, Sterling and I both are uninsured for the next three weeks of this semester. If I can't talk (or cry) my way out of this, we could be charged $700.

You can bet that I will show up to church this Sunday (in our new married ward...yeah!!!) with a check in hand. Peace offer, yeah? And I'm not going to stop paying our tithing, because it's dang scary finding out what happens when you don't!

The married life.

Perhaps the most exciting part of getting married, other than actually being married, is the presents. My goodness, there are a lot of presents. We are soso thankful that so very many people were kind enough to help us out and give us things to start our lives together and make our little creaky antique-ish apartment a home.

You can barely walk through the apartment. There are gifts and empty boxes and tissue paper (and clothes....our version of unpacking is emptying our suitcases on the floor) everywhere. And they're still coming. Yesterday we came home to a giant Bed Bath and Beyond box sitting on the front step. It was a set of stainless steel pots and pans and cookware. You should've seen how excited we were about it. It was the last thing we really needed but hadn't gotten yet. The mac'n'cheese I made for dinner the previous night had black flecks of Teflon all throughout it. Our old cookware had seen better days. Sterling got to unwrapping all the pots and pans, while I made homemade (well, semi homemade--I put together things Sterling's mom sent us) soup ASAP. It was heaven-sent.

Sterling's favorite present was by-far the automatic hot chocolate maker. He had hot chocolate three times yesterday. It would've been four, but he didn't have a Thermos to take some to the library with us last night. So, of course, we stopped and bought him a Thermos on the way home so that this problem would be avoided in the future. He's a happy boy. Now if he could only learn to clean up after himself when making said hot chocolate.

While we're on the topic, I must share a little story, incriminating that husband of mine. This morning, I was sitting in the Commons on campus, studying before class. I see Sterling in the little convenience store about 15 feet away. I call him, but he doesn't feel his phone vibrate. He calls me back a few minutes later and informs me of this 'new cinnabun drink' in that store.

The poor, cute guy doesn't know that those convenience store cappuccino makers serve only flavors of cappuccino, unless it clearly states 'Hot Cocoa'. "But it doesn't taste like coffee!" Yeah, they never do, honey. Yes, it was an accident, but I couldn't help being irritated that I am 8 months free of coffee after drinking it multiple times a day for the last seven years, and he, who grew up living the Word of Wisdom, couldn't stay away from it.

I guess that's what I get for not rolling out of bed to make him a Thermos of hot chocolate to take to school. Oh, I just love him. Even if our sheets are stained with hot chocolate spills and the kitchen counters always have that sugary powder on them and I fall into the toilet because he always leaves the seat up.

Wedding: Part 1.

I haven't blogged for two weeks. I guess that's what happens when you get married and go crazy and go to Vegas and have Thanksgiving and life happens. So here is the first of probably many posts about all the festivities.

So, we're married. And it's wonderful. It was crazy stressful and I cried plenty of times and my face is still very broken out from the stress (nice, right?) and few things went as planned, but it was still wonderful. At the end of the day, it was our wedding and we're husband and wife and we couldn't be happier. It was perfect in that messy way of perfection that probably only a wedding could be described as.

Of course, there was a giant blizzard the day before our wedding, which pretty much paralyzed my Californian family with fear, which in turn freaked me out. But I think they eventually realized that cars still drive, weddings still happen, and life goes on normally when it snows in Idaho. There are a number of people who swear they will never visit me again in Idaho, regardless of the circumstances, unless it's August, but that's okay. Sterling already agreed to drive to Californian every Christmas, so it all works out. Let's just hope I never have a baby or surgery or any life-changing event during the months of September-June.

The wedding ceremony was perfect, which helped me relax a ton. Sterling was crying as I walked down the aisle, which was by far my favorite part of the whole wedding. I can't even describe how that feels. Then after that there was a blur of hugging people, and pictures, and glitter everywhere (that's what happens when your bouquet is wrapped in glittery gold ribbon...oops.).

To be continued...

Bridezilla?

The super anxious weekend is over. I made it through. Now there's one anatomy exam, a few hours of work, an anatomy lab, a couple wedding crafts, and a whole bunch of packing left until our trip, which will mark the start of the wedding festivities. Oh, goodness.

I still don't even know if I'm going to wear a veil, or what my father-daughter dance song will be, or which vehicle we're driving down.

I finally showed Sterling his ring this morning. I love that he's so excited to wear it. I need to get mine cleaned so that it's super sparkly for the big day. Why didn't I remember to buy some cleaner on one of my million WalMart trips?

This weekend I discovered that half of our gold pumpkins for the centerpieces are rotten. Minor freakout. Raced to Safeway, bought 20 more, and now my refrigerator is stuffed with, oh say, 40 mini pumpkins.

What if our flowers don't look good? Or arrive dead or broken or something? What if nobody shows up to the wedding? What if I end up offending someone at my bridal shower because I told my friends that it's okay to buy me lingerie? What if we don't have enough time on Friday to do everything we need to do? What if my hair looks like crap?

Um...yeah...I think that whole panicky-bride thing is starting to kick in.

I don't do well with waiting.

How could I pass up the opportunity to blog about how we're getting married a week from today? I couldn't. We'll be in glorious Southeast Idaho in four days. Reunited with some of my favorite people in 5. We'll be married in 7. Vegas in 8. Stuffing ourselves with delicious Thanksgiving food at the Stoddard residence in 12.

I think we're ready. I mean, event-wise. I think we have everything for this big she-bang of a wedding. There's no question whether we're ready to be married or not. We've got that one figured out at least.

As expected, I'm super anxious. I've been jamming in last-minute wedding crafts to keep myself busy and sane. We got a rolling pin in the mail as a wedding present the other day, so I bought stuff to make my first entirely homemade pie. That's my plan for today. Yesterday we said goodbye to RedBox and hello to Hastings, so we rented Atlas Shrugged, 2 episodes of Big Love, and 6 episodes of Friends last night. And finished them all. Must go rent more today. Keeping busy, keeping busy.

Is it too early to start packing?

I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next four days. I'm foreseeing a lot of baking involved. Did someone say baklava? Popovers? Homemade bread? Yes, let's put on 10 pounds before our wedding. Brilliant idea, Kelli.

Save me.

thoughts.

I am one of the least patient people there are. We have 6 days until we get to drive to our beloved Southeast Idaho and be reunited with our families and friends and start all this wedding chaos. I still have a number of wedding craft projects to do before then. But I want these dang six days to hurry up and go by. Waiting is driving me absolutely crazy.

These anatomy and chemistry classes I'm killing myself with this semester are pretty much useless toward my new major if I transfer to ISU next year, as hopefully planned.

All week I've felt like I'm coming down with something, yet it hasn't entirely struck yet. I'm still praying it's just sleep deprivation that can be fixed this weekend. No way in hell will I be sick for my wedding, honeymoon, and Thanksgiving.

I feel like I need a new wardrobe. All I ever wear are jeans or leggings and cardigans or sweatshirts. And boots. Boots everyday. I love boots. But still. I want to be one of those girls that look like they've spent actual time planning an outfit. Not just thrown on whatever clean and warm thing in her closet. I bought a cute hat today (don't tell Sterling I'm spending money on clothes again), in hopes of making myself look and feel trendier. The only hats I've ever worn were baseball hats during my softball-playing days.

This is my first day off of work after 10 days straight. Hallelujah.

Yesterday, I wrote a post in my online Sports Nutrition class discussion about how vitamins and supplements do nothing for you except give you really expensive pee. I thought it sounded pretty witty and intelligent, but nobody has replied. My ego is a little bruised :(

Today should be a good day, but I'm just in a funk. I don't want to be at school, I don't want to go to my chem lab, I don't want Sterling to have their guys night tonight. I want this semester to be over, I want to be lying in bed, unwrapping wedding presents that UPS keeps dropping off, I want to be watching crappy reality TV shows, I want to be eating things I shouldn't be.

Ladies, please.

 I just plain do not understand women these days. I don't. I feel like an old grandma sometimes, wanting to run around throwing big sweaters around half-naked girls. I mean, I saw some strange outfits in California. SCC, my old college, had a wide assortment of people. It was positioned smack-dab between Broadway, neighborhoods of nice old people, and the ghetto. I saw real, legitimate prostitutes on multiple occasions, I'm fairly certain. Goodness, my high school even was pretty extreme! We had people doing hardcore drugs in the bathroom and making babies on the football field!

So why am I seeing more skanky girls here in IDAHO?! It's like the most unexpected culture shock. I expected hicks and Mormons. Not naked girls around every turn. There's a layer of ice on my windshield, and girls are walking around campus in miniskirts. Not even normal miniskirts, even. You usually can't even tell if they're actually wearing a skirt, or if their shirt is just an inch or two longer than normal.

Here's a hint, ladies: if I can tell, just by walking ten feet behind you, exactly what kind of underwear you are wearing, or hoochier yet, that you're not wearing underwear, I think perhaps you should cover up. And maybe put your V away. Just an idea.

It's a scary world we live in.

birth control?

I have to start this off by saying that we're getting married in TWO weeks! So crazy. I can't wait. I can't wait to be in SE Idaho, to have that studly guy be my husband, to see all my family and friends, to go to Vegas, and to have Thanksgiving with my wonderful in-laws. I want it all to start happening now. Alright, I'm done with the wedding rant.

In other news, I'm no longer dying to make a cute baby. I'm okay with waiting until I'm 35 now. Taking care of 7-year-old twins 24 hours a day has quieted my aching womb. They're a handful.

Yesterday, as I picked them up from school, the first thing I had to deal with was a tantrum (ON THE CLASSROOM FLOOR) over three homework problems. The rest of the night was full of tantrums and fights over everything I asked her to do or said no to. No, you cannot play the Wii. Tantrum. No, we can't have dinner yet, the pizza hasn't been delivered yet. Tantrum. Eat your dinner. Tantrum. Brush your teeth. Tantrum.Go to the bathroom before bed. Tantrum. Bedtime. Tantrum. Really?

This morning was full of tantrums, fighting, and lying. My patience was pretty much gone. Then we had ice hockey practice to go to. Um, do you know how much gear is involved with that sport? Confusing gear, might I add. My kids are never playing hockey. So trying to get all this said gear on a 7 year old in the middle of a tantrum while her brother is sneaking around, doing things I specifically told him not to do, while distracting his sister, making my job even harder? No thanks. Then once we finally got to the ice rink, she asked where her hockey stick was. Um....at home. So I race back to the house and grab all the kid-sized sticks I can find and shove them into my car, only to get back to the rink and see that someone lent her a stick already.

And now I'm letting them watch TV so I can get a break, which I probably shouldn't be doing. My mom has always told me that my own kids won't be so difficult, because they'll be mine. And I'll have raised them on my terms. She always assures me it's not the same as taking care of other peoples children. I sure hope she's right. I don't think I want to find out for sure for a long time though.

Irrational.

Fact: I just took the most paranoid shower of my life. I'm pretty paranoid in general tonight, actually.

The parents of the kids I babysit are both out of town, so I'm staying with the kids all weekend long. The kids go to bed at 7:30pm. I don't. So the remainder of hours are spent with me being startled by every single little noise, checking to make sure all four doors are locked every 20 minutes, and darting around, being sure to check behind me when I walk and fully scope out every room I enter. And my shower? Uh, yeah...it was spent wiping the steam off of the shower door every five seconds so that I could keep an eye on the (locked) door, making sure no burglar or murderer or whatever snuck in. I even convinced myself that the pizza delivery guy must have known that it's just me here, so he's going to break in and kidnap me or kill me or whatever things bad people do.

Sterling is supposed to come keep me company for awhile, but he's playing Settlers of Catan at a friends house, and it's taking forever. And I know I shouldn't be, but I'm getting pretty angry. Shouldn't he be protecting me? Or, if nothing else, protecting my sanity?

I'm not good at this alone thing. At least, not alone in other peoples big houses. I'm perfectly fine in my own apartment usually, because it's inside a building and has more than one little lock on the door, and it's on the second floor, so I'm not worried about looking out the window to see someone staring back at me. Oh gosh, that terrifies me.

Yes, I know I'm being ridiculous. But it's really hard to stop.

So in the meantime, I'm going to lay in  bed, continuing to jump at every noise and being mad at my fiance.

divorce.

This talk by Dallin H. Oaks popped up into my Twitter newsfeed this morning. I like it.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng

Divorce scares me. It probably scares most people, actually. Whenever Sterling and I watch movies that show a couple in a really bad relationship, I get sad and Sterling knows that's his cue to hug me and assure me that we'll never end up like that.

I love my parents. They're amazing people. Things were definitely rocky though when I was growing up. Not all the time, but there were distinct bad periods. I remember that I sometimes used to wish my parents would get divorced. Not that I necessarily wanted them apart, but I wanted the fighting and the hard times to stop. I know they considered getting one many times. At the worst point, they even separated for awhile. But they worked through it, and I can see now that they're better now than they used to be. They handle their problems differently.

I'm glad they stayed together. Besides the obvious reasons, I believe it benefited me in how I will handle my marriage. I pray that Sterling & I will never have to go through all the problems my parents did, of course. But I learned what commitment truly is. It was instilled in me that you don't just leave someone because you have problems. I know how marriage is supposed to work. If my parents were able to get through all the struggles they did, then we can deal with arguing over things like how loud I eat or Sterling being messy or how much money we spend.

This is cake.

Diet is a dirty word in our house.

Last night, Sterling and I decided we were going on a 'diet' for these last two weeks until our wedding. We just want to feel the best possible on November 19th. I refuse to actually call it a diet though, because I'm morally against dieting. Diet=deprivation, which is never healthy. I know, too many nutrition classes have made me like this. But still, I whole-heartedly believe diets are essentially bad and will speak out against them whenever possible.

Sterling, knowing this, treaded lightly when approaching the topic last night. "If it's only for two weeks, it really can't do any harm" and "Tuna and sriracha and edamame and veggies! That's totally healthy!" were some of his points. However, eating only the foods he mentioned is not exactly an ideal picture of health. So we agreed to just eat really healthy for the next two weeks. Sterling thinks this means cutting out all sugar. And starches. And pretty much everything but tuna and veggies.

He doesn't quite believe me when I say that cutting out things entirely will make him crave them even more, and make it very likely for him to fall off of his 'diet' wagon. But I think that these rules will loosen up a bit in a day or two, and we can just eat the healthy foods I buy and decide we should eat. I figure if we cut out desserts and the mac and cheese I've been making for lunch lately, we should be fine and see improvements. I've been too busy to cook lately, and that's been a little detrimental to us. However, busy has meant I've been eating less in general, which is good, but I should really incorporate some food of actual substance.

Today, I picked up some almonds for us to snack on in the library between classes. I also bought a chocolate milk for myself. The little bottles of milk they sell in convenience stores are almost always lowfat. It's hard to find full-fat milk in anything but the half-gallons and such at grocery stores. Even restaurants and coffee shops and the like use lowfat milk as their standard. Which is why I assumed this milk would also be lowfat. And it had 'No High-Frutose Corn Syrup' on the label. Seems like a safe, healthy bet, right?

So, so wrong. There was 540 calories in a 16oz bottle. It was whole milk. And though there was indeed no high fructose corn syrup in it, the 2nd ingredient on the label is regular corn syrup. Um, I don't care if it's high fructose or not--I don't want syrup in my milk at all, thank you.

So I talked Sterling into helping me drink the milk. It was against his no-sugar rule, but the nice boy did it for me. And I hope that nice boy can help me with this whole 'diet'-willpower thing, because ever since he reminded me this morning that we're eating healthy, I've been craving nothing but tortellini and Starbucks' hot chocolate. See? I'm the perfect example of why diets are evil.

Stuck being Worthey.

All I want to do is change my name. Women do that all the time. So why am I having such a hard time doing it?!

Google doesn't cut it. I'm getting different information on what I need to do. So I talked to the lady at the courthouse, and she told me I have to go to Lewiston to do it. But I also emailed the court assistance person in Moscow, and he just sent me forms to fill out. Uidaho simply refers me to the social security website, which is useless.

All I know is that I need to get an Idaho driver's license with my new name and get a new social security card with my new name. But it doesn't look like I can do either of those without doing the other one first. Umm.....

I just want to be Kelli Stoddard! I want an Idaho driver's license! I want to be able to declare Idaho residency so I don't have to pay out-of-state tuition anymore!

Recap.

Sunday nights are perhaps my least favorite time of the week. Mondays are pretty bad, too. I want to have weekends all the time, where I'm not expected to do anything that I don't want to do. I can just go to friend's houses, and sleep in, and be cuddly and watch movies and eat gummy worms, and take mini road trips, and stay up late, and not have strict time frames. Yes, I love weekends.

But now it's back to the daily routine. 8am classes, two exams tomorrow (aren't Mondays bad enough already?!), endless studying, and not being able to just collapse and cuddle and eat junk food whenever I feel like it.

Anyway, this weekend was pretty fun. It started with a Halloween party that our friend Ana threw. I was a bunny and Sterling was a lumberjack. He had to take advantage of that ridiculous beard he has, which, by the way, he is refusing to shave until the day of our wedding. It's been growing since the middle of August. It's awful (sorry, honey). It's gotten to the point where he can put it in his mouth, which he finds hilarious. He also twirls it constantly. Ohh, November 19th, you cannot get here fast enough.

My mom called me right before we left for the party on Friday night. When I told her I was dressing up as a bunny, she asked, "A respectable bunny?" Yes, mother dear, a respectable bunny. All of my respected parts were fully confined by clothing. Gotta love her.

So, it was a fun party. There were about 2 million people there. It was kind of crazy. Apparently it got a whole lot crazier after we left though, so I guess it was a good idea we left when we did. Saturday was a lovely Vandals game, which wasn't actually very lovely. It was the last game we'll go to this year, since the only other home game is the same day as our wedding. Saturday was also my friend Corina's 21st birthday, so some delicious Mexican food was eaten.

Today, we adventured up to Coeur D'Alene to get wedding supplies. I've been searching ALL over for purple argyle socks for Sterling & the groomsmen, but have had absolutely no luck. But we walked into Target in CDA (have I mentioned how much I LOVE that store?!) and they were right there. It was an amazing feeling, ha. We went to a couple more places and found everything we needed. It was wonderful. We had amazing shopping luck today. Then we finished our trip with a lovely Olive Garden lunch.

Pretty much the best, most successful day ever.


PS: Did y'all know I'm getting married in 20 days? True story.

802 miles.

That's how far it is from my hometown of Placerville, CA to good old Moscow, ID. So it makes sense that it's a little weird to pass a random kid who I gradated high school with in the library of the University of Idaho, right? Or when I'm stalking random people from high school and stumble upon some girl (who I don't actually know) who also goes to U of I? I mean, I know of five people from Union Mine HS who now live in Moscow. Funny.

The other day, I was talking to this girl in one of my classes who's from the Bay Area (California). She asked me about why I chose UI for college, and not Sac State or UC Davis. Well, I spent a good year planning to go to each of those schools. I had such a clear picture of my life at those places. I also remember making my mom drive around the UC Santa Cruz campus one summer while we were on vacation, thinking I'd maybe like to go there. She was freaking out about how far away from home it was. It's a little over 3 hours away. That makes me laugh now.

I also spent about six months of my life thinking I was going to move to Lake Tahoe after high school, and go to the community college there, then transfer to Sierra Nevada College, a tiny private college. My high school boyfriend got accepted there, and we thought the 1.5 hour distance would be devastating. He only ended up going to SNC for a week though, so thankfully I never moved anywhere for him. He's now married and just bought a house about five minutes from my parents' house. I find that funny, too. Though I love my parents, once again I'm thankful things worked out the way they did because I would not want to live my life in Placerville.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I realized I probably shouldn't try too hard to make any plans about where my life will be a year from now. Here I am, picturing what my life will be going to ISU in Pocatello or USU in Logan next year, and I'll probably just end up laughing at myself because my plans pretty much never pan out. Which, so far, has been for the very best. So who knows, maybe Sterling and I will be living in Ireland or Missouri next year. Oh gosh, I hope not Ireland though. I can't stand accents.

I need a nap.

It's not even 10am and I've been on campus for over an hour already. Just so you know, this was considered an early morning for me. So I'm sitting here in the library until my lab at 2:30, and I just realized how long that actually is. Sterling had a paper to write, so he had to come to school way early today, and I'm not quite sure why I decided to come with him. Maybe because hot chocolate was involved. I don't know.

By the way, will somebody tell him that fruit is not a substitute for a toothbrush? I told him he needed to brush his teeth before we went to school this morning, and refused to, saying we didn't have time and that he was eating an apple, anyway. And apparently apples clean your teeth just as well as a toothbrush and toothpaste, he thinks.

Sometimes, I just don't know what's going on in that pretty little head of his.


So, there's a big assignment due tomorrow for my chemistry class. I decided to be a good kid and do it all yesterday morning, seeing as how I have a lab (for that class!) and plenty of work that goes with the lab due today. Today, the professor posts on the class Facebook page that he just posted answers for almost ALL of the problems. Obviously, this got me pretty peeved. So I commented saying that I wish I had procrastinated and not done the assignment two days in advance. I said it perfectly nicely. And he responded telling me that 'early submission is rarely the best approach'. He thinks that students should wait until the deadline to get work done, in case new information arises. Um, or he could have just posted the answers when he posted the assignment to avoid making students who practice good time-management miss out on an advantage like that. You know, just an idea.


Is it the weekend yet?

Unofficially married.

Hey folks, wanna see something that's pretty dang cool?

Yep, we got our marriage license today. No, it does not mean that we're married (I had to clarify this part to my beloved fiance). Bright and early this morning, we went down to the courthouse and raised our right hands, read an informative HIV pamphlet (and signed it, swearing that we haven't shared needles with anyone or slept with someone who was infected with HIV between 1978-1985), and signed ourselves away to each other. Romantic, right?

This whole wedding thing seems to be rolling pretty well! The men have all been fitted for their tuxes, the girls have all found their shoes, everyone's getting invites in the mail, and I don't feel too crazily stressed, seeing as how one of the most important days of my life is happening in 26 days. All that's really left are little things like finding argyle socks for the groomsmen, buying a ton of Hershey kisses, and ordering the flowers.

On the non-wedding related side of things, well, life is crazy. School is ridiculous. Sterling and I spend the majority of our nights in the library (guess where we are right now?). I keep planning out dinners to make, but I never have time to make them. The dad of the kids I nanny is in Nepal for three weeks, so I've been taking care of them a whole lot more and will continue doing so for awhile longer! There are endless exams to study for (and fail) lately. Yesterday was the first time we went to church in close to a month. And we're not going to make it this Sunday, either.

We had our first one-on-one date night in awhile last Friday, and it was wonderful. Sterling saw maybe 1/8 of Paranormal Activity 3, because the other 7/8 of it he spent with his face tucked into his sweatshirt and squirming in his seat with fear, shrieking "I'M NOT LOOKING! I CAN'T! I'M NOT LOOKING! WHY DID WE COME TO THIS MOVIE?!?" Poor boy. It was pretty endearing, though. He distracted me from smacking the twelve incredibly annoying sorostitutes that were sitting in front of us.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be studying for my anatomy lab exam that is tomorrow morning. Wish me luck? I'd be filled with joy for a low C even. Cross your fingers.

When I grow up, I wanna be a housewife.

Today, I realized what I'm meant to do with my life.

Be a housewife.

My sister probably just had a heart attack when she read that. Tara, don't worry, that was mostly a joke. I'm going to have a degree and career. That's important to me. But when I (hopefully) get to a point in my life where I can just be a stay-at-home mom, oh goodness, I'm gonna love it.

Sterling worked all day today. And I got a million things done.

I went to Michael's and bought wedding and craft supplies, I went to two different hardware stores and bought Sterling a toolbelt and some tools (the right ones even!), I went tanning (I know, it's bad), I went grocery shopping (and lugged around 4 cases of Diet Coke on my own, I must add), I spent some time at Walgreen's figuring out insurance & prescription stuff, I did 3 giant loads of laundry at the laundromat (that was the biggest pain), I hung up all the clothes (mine & Sterling's both--he keeps most of his stuff at my place since he doesn't have a room at his apartment anymore) and cleaned the whole apartment, I cleaned out the car (okay, only partially), and I made pico de gallo.

It was the most accomplished day I've had in a long time. I mean, I know anyone can run errands, but I enjoyed it and did a really good job getting everything done! Someday, I'm going to be the multi-tasking housewife extraordinaire. 

Until then, I'm stuck failing science classes and carting other peoples' annoying children to and from school, Spanish lessons, and swim practice. Cool.

Also, today I discovered that Sterling has been using my good, expensive conditioner on his beard. Men, right?!

I quit.

I feel like giving up on school.

I've been struggling with my anatomy class from the start. But the last few weeks, I've been putting a lot more time into it. I've actually read all the chapters, I've studied the diagrams in the book, I've taken practice quizzes online, I've even followed the weird tips the professor has given us, like not studying at all the day of the exam. And I feel like I actually know what's going on in that class. Like, I tell Sterling random anatomy facts as we're driving around even. I know all the types of articulations on the body, I know what somas and dendrites are, I can tell you the different sections of the brain, I know all the modalities of the different senses. Yesterday, I had an exam and I've probably felt more prepared for it than any other in that class.

And I got a 42%.

I don't even know what to do. I've done so much! And I will die if I end up failing this class. I did the math and I pay about $1600 per class. So wasting all the money, not to mention time?! Oh hellll no.

I have an exam in the lab portion of that class this Tuesday. I've actually been doing better in that part; the last couple quizzes I've gotten 80 and 85% on. But I've been devoting all my time lately to studying the lecture material, so I'm pretty behind in the lab part now. So I'm not expecting a good grade on this test.

Not to mention I have a Chemistry exam the following Monday, and I'm definitely borderline passing that class, as well. Once again, the lab part I have mostly A's in, but the lecture part I'm failing.

I want to be done with school. I feel like I wasted so much time taking random classes because my plans have changed so much. Looking at my transcript, there are so many classes that are useless to me now. Economical statistics? Astronomy? Half a dozen child development and family life classes? Well, those last ones will come in handy if we move to Pocatello ever and I transfer to ISU, since I'd switch to a BS of General Family & Consumer Sciences there.

Honestly? Whenever I actually get a degree, whether it's in Nutrition, Health Sciences, or Family & Consumer Sciences.....I have no clue what I actually want to do with it. Literally, none. I just know that I'm interested in those topics (just not the prereqs that lead up to them).

I just want to have a nice job with a desk of my own that I can put cute family pictures on and eat my lunch out of a cool Tupperware thing at, and receive a decent paycheck from. That's all.

The expectation trap.

You know those articles or book you read that totally change your perspective on things? I found one of those today. I chose this article to review & analyze for an assignment for my Individual & Family Life Development class and I fell in love with it. It just really spoke to me.

Here is the link to the article if you wish to read it: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201003/the-expectations-trap

Obviously, Sterling and I have a good relationship. A really good one. But sometimes when we fight, I over-analyze everything and freak out and think that we've got major issues. He reminds me all the time that we're going to disagree and we're going to fight, and yeah, we're going to do those things for the rest of our life. It's what couples do and it's okay. It doesn't mean we're going to get divorced in a few years.

This article talks about how our society conditions us to believe that our relationships should be perfect, and if they're not, we've got to change them. We are conditioned to think that we have to strive for perfection in every aspect of our life and if something isn't meeting our very specific ideal, then we have to change it. This ends up leading us to think we've got to change the flaws in our relationships, and guess what? We're a very entitled society (always thinking that we 'deserve' better), so this ends up usually leaving us thinking that our partner is the flawed one, rarely ourselves.

Our society gives us too many choices on everything, so we get used to the idea of always making choices to improve our happiness. The constant appraisal of our personal life to improve happiness creates a heightened sensitivity to problems that arise in our relationships. We think we need to be happy 24/7, and that it's our partners job to fulfill our happiness. So when we're unhappy, we want to immediately make a new choice that's going to 'fix' our problem, rather than just recognizing that sometimes things aren't perfect and we just have to find the good in everything. With relationships, we have to remember our commitment to our partner and what that means and entails. Commitment is the ability to sustain an investment, to honor values over momentary feelings. This means sticking through the hard times and not expecting your partner to change and find a way to fix your every concern, or not wanting to leave the relationship when things are hard, thinking that there must be something better out there.

I've been guilty of all these mistakes at one time or another. I need to accept 'flaws' in our relationship. I need to stop thinking that Sterling needs to make things better when we do have problems. I need to stop appraising our relationship so much. I need to just let things be, and enjoy the fact that we're happy and we love each other, and that we're committed. And those things can overcome anything. 

Cookies & cadavers.

I'm a very hopeful, anxious little bundle of nerves right now.

So we're getting married in exactly a month from today. And I didn't think it was possible to be anymore excited than I was, or to love him anymore than I already did, but both of those things are rapidly increasing all the time.

Also, this guy from Lamb Weston (where Sterling had a summer internship) called him yesterday and wants him to apply for a job there that just opened up. Do you know how amazing that would be if Sterling could just take that job and we could move to Pocatello in a couple of months? It would be beyond great--I can't even describe how happy I'd be. But Sterling needs to finish his degree somehow still; he has one semester left. So on Friday, he's going to meet with his advisor to see if there's a way he can work it out, like maybe taking his last few classes online or something so that he could take the job now. I hopehopehope it works out, SO bad! You have no idea how badly I want to move to Southeast Idaho and get settled there.

Anyway, I've been on a crafting spree lately, getting things ready for the wedding. How about a sneak peak?

Corina has a Cricut, and oh dear heavens, that thing is amazing. We've been having fun with it. These are tags for people to write "Words of Wisdom" (aka marriage advice) on. They're dark purple and we'll have gold pens to use.

This was a little project of mine. Just a pretty gold S to put on the guestbook table or something!

Signs for the cookies & hot chocolate bar at the reception!

This is my next project. It's vinyl that I'm going to make a cute little sign with! Ahhh, I'm so excited for it :)

So that's all the wedding stuff I have to show for now. Do you know how hard it is to focus on school when there's all this fun stuff to do and think about? Real hard. My midterm grades show that. And now I should go study for my anatomy test that is Friday. Just when I start getting all the bones and muscles down, they start throwing all of these nerves at me! Ridiculous.

Oh, P.S.: have you ever seen a real human cadaver head (like, with the face and skin and eyes and hair all still on, and brain inside) sawed in half? Yeah, that's something I could have been fine with never seeing. Too late.

Oh, Placerville.

Every once in awhile, I spend my free time browsing the list of current inmates of El Dorado County Jail back in my hometown. I always know a lot of them, whether they're from high school or they're parents of kids from my old work or whatever. Back when I was a junior in high school, there was this big, messy incident where I had to go to court and testify against some punkass kids over the course of a year or so, and I always get really happy seeing when those people are back in jail again. I know, it's a weird little sick pleasure of mine. But it also just makes me really happy that I don't live around there anymore. I know that there are crappy people all over, but El Dorado County just seems to have a lot more than anywhere else. And Idaho has a lot less than most places, I think. I love Idaho.

This is going to be the longest stretch of time I've ever been away from home. From mid-July until Christmastime. I feel like a lot is going to change when I see Placerville next. The last time I visited, there was suddenly a new Panda Express that had just popped up, and they closed a Starbucks. Oh, and my favorite teacher from high school moved to a classroom on the other side of campus. Crazy stuff, I know.

I feel weird calling Placerville home now. I mean, I know that it will always be 'home' in a sense, because I grew up there and that's where my family is. But it's not my home anymore. I don't consider it home. I'll probably never live there again. And that's weird for me to realize that it's not home. Idaho is. I actually kind of consider myself homeless at the moment, because Moscow is a temporary home. Wherever we move to and settle next summer will (hopefully) be our permanent home. I'm excited for that.

I just said the word 'home' eight times in that last paragraph. I think it was kind of overkill. But you get the point.

I love you, but....

As far back as I can remember, my sister has been the loudest, most annoying chewer ever. Especially when it comes to things like baby carrots or chips. I don't even have a clue as to how she chews so loudly. It's insane.

Lately, Sterling and I have been arguing about my 'loud' eating. Ever since he told me this story about how he used to get so irritated with his best friend Dustin back when they lived together because Dustin always ate cereal so dang loud, Sterling has started to pay attention to my chewing noises. I swear, he never said a thing about it until he told me about the Dustin thing. Last night, I was eating noodles and apparently slurping too loudly. Doesn't everyone make some sort of slurping sound when eating noodles?!

I know relationships are about compromise, but wouldn't it make more sense for him to just be less anal about how loud I chew, than for me to try to alter my eating style and chew 'more quietly'? Sterling disagrees with this.

I think I'm going to start feeding him baby carrots and noodles for dinner every night, then show him that he, too, makes noises when eating.

It's inevitable, love.

Though I do think I'm going to have my sister eat carrots constantly around Sterling when we see her next month, so maybe, just maybe, Sterling will realize that I'm not all that bad and maybe let my noises slide a bit more.

blood tests and pumpkins.

So I went to the doctor this morning over in Pullman to find out why I'm losing so much hair. I've never been to a doctor up here before, but I really like my new one! Anyway, he thinks some sort of hormonal imbalance is what's causing my hair loss, so I had some blood tests done and I should find out by the middle of next week what the results are. If they find something there, I'll be put on meds and that will be that. If they find nothing, I'll have to do more tests. I'd really rather not be on medication, but I just want them to find a solution ASAP before I lose much more hair. I'm kind of really freaking out about it.

Other than that, it's the weekend! Which basically means doing more wedding stuff. I've got some crafts planned. Five weeks from tomorrow! Eeekkk!

Here are some of the pumpkins Corina and I painted thus far. Aren't they cute?! Now we have like 25 more to paint!

rollin'.

I've had mini pumpkins and glitter and paint spread out on newspaper in the middle of the living room floor for a week now. There are also bags from Michael's all over the apartment filled with cupcake liners and scrapbooking paper and stamps and ribbon and more glitter and paint and everything imaginable. A corner of my bedroom is devoted to the wedding and is filled with favors and more pumpkins and ribbon and our guestbook and my bridesmaid presents.

This wedding has officially taken over my apartment. And, you know, my life too. But that's okay. I'm to the point now where it's all coming together and most things are done and I can just focus on being excited. Not that I'm not going to stress out about it for the next 5 1/2 weeks, but just not as much as before.

I think I'm going to be really sad once the wedding is over. Well, actually once we're back in Moscow after the wedding and honeymoon and Thanksgiving in Grace. Then I'll be really sad. Then again, I guess I'll have Christmas to focus on next. But it's sad to think that all of this big hoopla and excitement and planning and everything will be over soon. I mean, I'll be married then, which is wonderful, but it'll still be sad to have it all be over.

Actually, I think next semester will be the sad part, really. 4 months in cold, snowy, gloomy Moscow being engulfed in school. Did I mention that I have to take Stats, Carbon Compounds Chemistry, and Physiology all next semester? Yeeeup. Since my major will be changing once I transfer, those are pretty much the only classes I can take here that will go toward my new degree elsewhere. That.....really sucks. But once those dreaded 4 months are over, we can move! I've already started sending in Sterling's resume to a bunch of places in Eastern Idaho and Northern Utah. I'm really excited to be down in that area. So cross your fingers that he'll get a good job down there ASAP!

For now though, I'm going to revel in all of this wedding planning fun. 38 more days!!!

One of those mornings.

I had a really hard time waking up this morning. It took me over an hour to actually get completely up and start getting ready for church. I tried on about five different outfits but none of them felt right, so I just settled on one and then asked Sterling about seven times if I looked alright. We're running late for church (as usual) and once we get there, the parking lot is completely empty. We forgot it was stake conference, which was across town and started an hour earlier. Oops. I was actually pretty disappointed about this, because I really wanted to go.

So we decide to head to WinCo instead (I know, I know, breaking the Sabbath!) and pick up a few much-needed groceries. We go to check out and realize that the debit card (we only have one right now, the bank is taking forever to send Sterling's new one) is in Sterling's wallet, which was not on him since he was wearing his suit. Oops again. And WinCo apparently doesn't take credit cards. So we were those poor people who had to send our groceries back because we couldn't pay for them.

I feel like when I do my laundry today, I'm going to end up bleaching everything or something, and I'm going to catch dinner on fire, I'm pretty sure. It just seems like one of those days.

The hardest thing.

As I was sitting here, browsing random FB profiles waiting for Sterling to get off work, I came across the blog of the mom of this kid from my town who was killed in a car accident last March. She wrote about how she walked for him at his high school graduation shortly after he died, and how she knew he was watching over her then, because they frequently talked about how her biggest regret was not finishing school. And how Travis, one of her son's best friends, made it a point to come hug her when they saw each other this August....and then Travis died a couple of weeks later. And how she kept receiving letters in the mail from UNR about campus events and such, and she finally had to call the university and tell them he wasn't going to be attending because he had died. I cried while reading it. It's amazing what some people have to go through, and how much they can/have to handle. I can't even imagine.

Meaningless updates.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that an abnormal amount of hair has been gathering in my hairbrush. Like, not even kidding. I think I'm going bald. I'm convinced I'm going to be bald by the time my wedding gets here. Sterling thinks it's funny to tease me about this. It doesn't go over well. But he's convinced he'll be bald in the next few years too, so I guess we're in this together.

Facebook creeps me out sometimes. And pisses me off. No, I do not want to be friends with my fiance's crazy, skanky ex-girlfriend, thankyouverymuch. Please keep her overly-made-up little face off of my page.

I'm missing my hometown a teensy bit right about now. There's this area called Apple Hill which is just a ton of cute orchards with delicious apple-y and fall-ish treats all over the place. It's quite the tourist attraction during this time of the year, and it's the best place to take a little day trip to on the weekends. Apple doughnuts, caramel apple milkshakes, apple cider....oh goodness. I'm hoping that Sterling and I will have a chance to make it there while we're visiting my parents for Christmas, although things kind of die down around there by then.

Tomorrow Corina and I will start decorating all the pumpkins for the wedding. I'm probably way more excited than what is merited. But that's okay, because ohmygoshthey'regonnabeSOcute!!!

And I've been depriving myself of sleep lately, so we're going to end it here and hopefully I'll actually go to bed. One of these days I'll write a blog that actually has a little thought put into it, I promise.

Hello October.

It's October already. When did this happen? We're getting married next month. Holy crap, really?!

Our friends Kyle and Karina got engaged last night. They've been together for like 5 years or something crazy like that. When I found out he was going to propose yesterday, I was super excited and let out one of those ginormous girly squeals. Then after he did it we went over to their house and celebrated and squealed again over the ring and such. Ah gosh, marriage and engagements and weddings and everything are my favorite thing. Ever.

We've got our invites all designed finally, and I'm working with a lady on Etsy designing our inserts for the ceremony. And another lady who's designing our wedding favors. I made & ordered the guestbook and earrings for my bridesmaids the other night, and found out where we're getting the flowers from. Eeeek, it's all starting to come together!!! 7 weeks from today. Wow!

And on the un-wedding-related side of things, well, not too much is going on there. I'm still having a horrible semester at school. Like, the worst ever. Anatomy is killing me. Chemistry isn't much better. How is it I can do well and enjoy an upper-level microbiology course last semester but struggle to pass (actually, I don't think I'm even passing it at the moment) an entry-level Chem class? I hate all these science courses I have to take. Why does Nutrition have to be a Bachelor's of Science? I'm ready to be done with this semester.

I'm having a huge craving for eggs right now. Which is better than craving ice cream for breakfast or something, which indeed happens. Often. I'm not going to disclose how often I give into that craving.

Happy October!

blessed.

Almost every Sunday I get annoyed with Sterling for playing on his cell during church, wishing he'd just listen and let all this great wisdom sink in. Or sometimes when there are a dozen empty diet Coke cans scattered throughout the living room at the end of the day, I get so frustrated wishing he'd be more thoughtful and clean up after himself.

I admit that I sometimes forget how good he is. How kind, and loving, and thoughtful, and caring he is.

He's constantly giving money away. When we're at the check-out at Safeway and the cashier asks if he'd like to donate to whatever foundation, he always says yes, and it takes me aback, because I always brush those things off without even thinking. Or like when he gave money to a monk visiting our campus. Or when we were driving up to Moscow together, some rude guy asked me for gas money and I turned him down, not wanting to be nice to someone who was just mean to me--when I told Sterling about this guy, I expected him to be on my side and say something to back me up, instead he looped around the parking lot looking for the guy so we could buy him gas.

Yesterday, he reached out to a guy who needs someone to care. The kid bore his testimony in church, and spoke of some hard things he was going through. And Sterling cared. I hope that I would've done the same thing, but I can't honestly say I know that I would. He did it out of nowhere. We were about to watch The Office when he said he wanted to send this guy an email quickly, just saying he cares and is there if he needs anything. The guy seemed to have really appreciated it, and I can tell Sterling made a difference.

I want to be more like that. I want to be able to recognize that people who are mean probably need more love and kindness than anyone else. I want to put others first more often, and people I don't even know. I want to be able to give away my money without thinking about how much I'd like to keep it for myself. I want to make doing small, Christ-like gestures more of a second-nature thing.

I'm blessed that I have someone so generous and caring, and who inspires me to better myself everyday.

the old days.

Pardon me while I get a little reminiscent here. I had the urge to go through my old pieces from when I was in journalism in high school, which led to me looking through old pictures and thinking about how weird it is that we're all where we are now.


Some are frat boys, some are drug addicts, some are married, some are pregnant, some are gay, some are a complete mystery to me, some live in the same town as me, 800 miles from where we grew up. The pictures to follow are missing some people who were crucial parts of my high school life, but they give the general picture, and they remind me of some good times.

This was Corina's....17th?...birthday. All I remember is that it consisted of a lot of bowling, ice cream cake, and some sort of kissing game or dare. I know, we were scandalous.

 

I wish I kept in touch with some of these people. They were some of the funniest people I've ever met.

I have a confession. After I got my drivers license my sophomore year, I missed (ditched) a lot of school. I got really good at forging my dad's signature. He knew. But I was getting good grades regardless and wasn't doing drugs or anything obviously, so he let it slide. I love him. So much of the time that I should've been in school was spent doing things like this with my school-ditching partner in crime:

(airplane, if you couldn't tell)

 This one just makes me laugh. I just remember being pounced on, and someone caught a picture of it. If you look closely, you can see that Corina was sporting U of I swag way back in the Union Mine days. Circa 2007?

And here was one of my favorite things I wrote back then. I wrote this my sophomore year, and after it the teacher (Mr. Chaney. I <3 him.) made me the editor for the next two years. I wasn't as emo as I sounded, I promise.

It's what's on the inside that counts. How many times have we heard this line before? Whenever we are hurt by some sort of superficial judgment, we are reminded by our parents, our friends, and our society that it is what is on the inside that matters. You are beautiful on the inside. That line of advice never really helps anybody feel better though, does it? It's outdated, overused, brushed off by everyone. And it should be. Why, because this line is a lie. Your insides aren't pretty. They're bruised, scarred, torn to pieces. Your heart is cracked or shattered, held together by nothing but time. Your mind is haunted by the past; by memories that never fade, only tucked away so you can make it through the day. Your throat is charred from all the words that never left your lips, just swallowed no matter how much they may have burned. Your stomach worn thin from all the times you denied your gut feelings and pushed it down a little deeper. Bruised, cracked, charred, and worn. Now does that honestly sound the least bit pretty to you? If you want to get down to it, nobody is pretty. Even the most gorgeous person on earth has some ugly, disfiguring marks on the inside. People are amazing like that; we shove everything away and tuck it into the deepest places hoping it will never resurface. We fake happiness, smiles, and perfection. Anything just so we are seen as beautiful. There are so many sides, so many unseen and forgotten crevices to every person.  Maybe that's the beauty. We're all broken; none of us are truly pure anymore. Our insides aren't the least bit pretty, but they're still amazing. All those scars, burns and bruises are what make us alive.  Alright, back to September 2011. I live in Idaho, I'm getting married in 8 weeks, and I talk to maybe 1/8 of the people I was friends with 5 years ago. That's sad, yeah, but there were good times and we moved on and grew up. All those people have a nice little niche in my heart and I wish them the best in everything they do.

balance.

Sunday nights are always really sad times for me. I mourn over the end of the weekend. This one especially, because it went by soso fast. Probably because I was sick, making all of Friday and part of Saturday a blur. I wish I would hurry up and get better. I'm afraid Sterling doesn't want to marry me as much now that he's stuck constantly hearing my blow my loud and nasty nose every ten minutes. Anyway, this weekend was less than productive. And now I have 3 exams in the next 3 days. Nutrition and Chemistry tomorrow, Anatomy on Wednesday.

I feel a bit overwhelmed lately. So much school and so much church, with a good deal of working and wedding planning thrown in, as well as trying to maintain relationships with everyone. I don't think I've had a real conversation with my mom for over a week, and when I ran into my friend Sara today, I realized I hadn't even talked to her in almost two weeks. And the most I've talked to any of my bridesmaids this past week was over a few text messages.

And I feel bad for saying it, but church-related things are definitely falling to the wayside. The thing about being a Mormon though, I'm learning, is that it's hard to brush off the church. Which is good I think, because that's kind of how you need to be with me sometimes. I need people to be pushy and persistent with me or else I'll just forget about things if I'm busy. So I've been having my new-member meetings every Wednesday night. I have an Institute class every Tuesday night. I met with a couple of good guys in the bishopric last week for a lesson, which was nice. One of them pulled me aside today at church and told me the bishop wanted to know if I'll help with the planning of activities for our ward. I said yes. Looks like I'll have to start going to FHE every Monday night now. Today I was also asked if I wanted to be a visiting teacher. I said yes.

Yes, sometimes I get a little annoyed with how much participation is expected of me. But I also know that once I'm actually there doing things, I enjoy it. I meet such great people, like the wife of the bishop's counselor who sat down next to me and told me that her husband had such nice things to say about me after I met with him, and that if Sterling and I ever need anything, don't hesitate to call her. Or the bishop of the other ward who seemed so genuinely excited when he found out that we were engaged at a picnic a few weeks ago. Or any of the amazing sister missionaries I've met, who have been so incredibly sweet and welcoming to me.

I know it's worth it and I always feel best when I am involved with the church. I just wish it wasn't so hard balancing everything right now. I also know that I shouldn't be complaining so much when a good deal of my spare time is spent cuddled up on the couch with that fiance of mine watching The Office (we've made it to the 6th season finally!) when I should be studying or calling my mom or best friends. I can't help it, I'm overly indulgent when it comes to things like that. I can't turn down cuddling, ever.

But now my first exam of the string is in 10 hours, and I need to fit in studying, sleeping, and probably some more Office before that gets here.  Knowing me, I'll probably only accomplish the Office part and maybe a bit of sleep.

I think I'm officially sick. I've felt it coming on for a good week, and then today it hit me pretty good and I'm a snotty, sore-throated mess. I wish I bought some OJ at Winco today. One of the kids I babysit has a bad flu aaand I get to spend all day tomorrow with her. I have a feeling I won't be getting any better anytime soon.

On another note, I hate that I'm saying this because it's not my place to judge, but I can't help it. Do you know how many girls I went to high school with are pregnant/had babies? Like, the class above me and younger. I just counted 12 off the top of my head, but I know I'm missing a ton. Those are just girls I know more personally. I just don't get it. Things happen, I know. But I don't think it's really THAT hard to not get pregnant. There are easy things to do, ya know? I know that many people think I'm too young to get married (funny enough, only California people think that.), and I'm sure I'll probably start popping out babies at an age that people also think is too young...but at least I'll be popping out babies on purpose. It'll be a good surprise, not an "Oh CRAP" crying on the bathroom floor kind of thing. At least I don't think it will be.

It's just crazy to me. Okay, I think I'm done with my rant now.

I think I grew up.

As of these past few days, Sterling and I now have a bank account together. We also bought a Brita water filter pitcher (that made me feel really adultish). I've been bringing him lunch at school. I've been looking online for things to buy him for Christmas, and realized that they'll be gifts for my husband. I realized this Thanksgiving and Christmas we will spend as a married couple. And my birthday will be spent as a wife. My last birthday I spent moving to Idaho. The birthday before that I spent in NYC with my sister. This one will be spent as a married woman, doing whatever married couples do on birthdays.

My mom sent me a package the other day. On the note inside, she opened with "Hi kids!" not "Hi Kelli honey!". Sterling has keys to my apartment and car. Actually, he kind of took over my Xterra and I took over his car. We're contemplating getting a Costco membership. When an attractive guy seems a little flirty with me at school, I get annoyed. I'm only going to have the name I spent the last 20 3/4 years with for eight more weeks. When I grocery shop, I buy Diet Coke and pepperjack cheese (two things I rarely consumed pre-Sterling). I get to wake up, eat dinner, fight, celebrate holidays, kiss, cry, love, move, grocery shop, and live with the this same amazing person for the rest of forever.

Crazy.

I think this whole getting married thing is starting to seem pretty dang real.

time.

Lately I've been upset that Sterling and my parents don't know each other better. I'm really close to my parents, and he's obviously a huge part of my life, so it's weird to me that those two big parts of my life barely know each other. It makes me sad that they're not close, because I really want them to be. That's important to me.

I've spent a lot of time with Sterling's family, so I feel pretty close to them. Sterling went home with me for spring break, so we stayed with my parents for a week, but they were working a lot and Sterling and I weren't seriously talking marriage at that point, so I don't think anyone really felt a big push to get to know one another super well quickly.

I know it just takes time, it's just hard in the meantime. It's hard living 800 miles from my family, and I know it'll take awhile for them to get to know each other well, since we'll probably only be able to visit a few times a year. And of course, me being me, I get caught up in looking too far ahead and worrying even more. Like, what happens when we have kids? I want my parents to know their grandchildren well, and that's hard to do if they only see them a few times a year, especially since kids grow so fast! It's sad. I love living where I do, but it's so hard being so far away.

I wish my parents would move to Idaho.

62 days.

Two months from tomorrow.

Our wedding is getting really close. And I'm getting pretty nervous. There is still a LOT to do.

I mean, we've got the big things figured out for the most part, but all those cute little touches that make a wedding a wedding? Yeah...haven't made much progress there. I have ideas and all, but none of the ideas have materialized yet so I'm getting really anxious. I don't know how we're making our reception cute and personalized and us.

Well actually, it'll probably be more me than us, since Sterling doesn't really care about things like decorations and cake. He cares more about the actual act of getting married (and the honeymoon and wedding presents), not all the foof and details and such that make a wedding a wedding. And as much as it bugs me when he says he doesn't care when I ask for his opinion on things like cupcake wrappers and cake toppers and napkins....I guess that's probably a good thing. Most women would love to have a wedding that is entirely up to them, right? And I'm kind of a control-freak, so if he did have too much of an opinion, I'd probably kill him. See, it all works out :)

Actually, we don't even have all the big things settled yet. We have no invitations. We know where we're getting them, but I'm having a little trouble starting that process. So we have to get them designed, then made, then to us/our moms, then we all have to address and mail them all. That takes awhile, right? I feel like we're behind on this and it's freaking me out. I don't want people to get their invites two weeks before the wedding.

And I need to buy Sterling's ring still, which we're actually making progress on in fact. We went to jewelers in Moscow yesterday and figured out exactly what he wants in a ring, and I think I found the perfect one. So now I just need to go back to the store and order it. I'm excited to check that one off of the list.

I want it to be November already. I want to be in the lovely Southeast Idaho, I want to be with all my extended family so they can all finally meet this guy I'm marrying, I want to just get married, go to Vegas, enjoy being married, have a nice Thanksgiving as a married couple, and I want a pretty, perfect wedding to look back on. I want to be done planning it!

PS: Do you know how hard it is to study for anatomy exams when Etsy and Weddinggawker.com are calling my name?! I'm going to fail all my classes this semester.