Holy pumpkins!

I was in Winco the other day and saw a painted white pumpkin with a green damask design on the cover of Country Living magazine. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. And I decided I wanted to incorporate pumpkins into the decorations for our wedding.

And now I'm constantly looking at pictures of painted, jeweled, and glittered pumpkins. I got my friend Corina in on it too so we're both sending each other pumpkin ideas all the time. And we're going to have a craft day where we decorate pumpkins and test it out for the wedding.

Yeah, I'm really obsessed. I love that we're getting married in November because that's perfect pumpkin time!!! I mean, come on, how friggin cute are these?!?

Or one of these with a nice 'S' for Stoddard on it?

Or these adorable little ones?! I'm thinking we'll make some of these and use them in the centerpieces.

That's all for now. I just can't stop talking about pumpkins and I think Sterling is going to kill me if he has to hear anymore about them, so this is my outlet!

The little things.

I think it's time to focus on the good things in life. Here are a few:

I get really excited when Safeway posts their new weekly specials ad on their website. No, really. Every Wednesday a new ad goes out and new items go on sale, and it makes my day for a good ten minutes. I love getting good deals and grocery shopping. I would make a really good housewife.

I also get really happy when Sterling shows me CollegeHumor.com videos that have cats or dogs in them. He knows how much I love those.

I like it when people ask me for nutrition advice. It makes me feel so useful, and like I actually know things and can put them to good use. Whether it's my fiance wanting to lose weight or a guy friend who wants to know what to eat for good pooping sessions (true story...on multiple occasions), it makes me happy.

I love sending cards to people. I don't know if it's just because it makes me feel like a good, married adult, but I really get some satisfaction by sending everyone in both mine and Sterling's family birthday cards.

Watching the new Teen Mom episode every Wednesday night is probably my favorite time of the whole week. I also love that I have a guy who loves (or at least pretends really well to love) to watch it with me.


That's what I've got for now. I think I should do this more often.

money money money money.

One career I will surely never have is a wedding planner. It's hard enough planning my own. Actually, if I was rich, it would probably be a million times easier. But trying to figure out cute centerpieces and decorations on a tight budget? Pretty dang difficult. I could stare at wedding blogs for hours and point out things I like, but I could never do them because, um, do you know how much a hundred lilies and a few chandeliers would cost? Cause I do, and that number is definitely not in my bank account.

Have I mentioned being an adult is hard? I mean, I'd rather be one than a teenager or kid, but there are naturally plenty of not so fun things that go along with being an adult and getting married and having your own place and cars. Like bills.

I work 6-8 hours a week (at a job I love, I must say) and Sterling works less than that even. We have a little bit of savings, but that goes directly to rent. Then food, gas, bills, and expensive wedding stuff?? Yeah....our bank accounts are dwindling fast. My parents are helping with what they can (actually, more than what they can and I'm so grateful for them) but there are still a lot of wedding expenses that I'm taking care of myself. That's the not-so-fun part of wedding planning.

I can't wait until Sterling graduates and gets a good job, and we can have a steady income. Of course I'm crazy excited about our wedding, but I'm also excited to get past this next year and settle into our more adult, married life with new jobs and a new town.

Again.

When I was little, I never cried in public. In elementary school, other kids cried ALL the time. Getting hurt, getting in trouble, being told they couldn't be part of the cool kids 'Club', etc. Kids cry constantly. I prided myself on never crying at school. I can remember one instance throughout all of grade school where I cried. That's all.

College, however, I can probably give you a handful of times I've cried at school. Funny, huh? College has a tendency to upset me, I guess. Sometimes it scares me, like the time I got lost in the parking garage at Sacramento City College and couldn't find my car.

Today, it made me feel stupid. Stupid because I horribly failed my first Anatomy exam, and when I went into that class today, the professor had up the stats from the test, and less than a dozen people scored below me. There are over 300 people in that class. I got upset that I'm the dumb kid. I felt hopeless, because I honestly don't know how I'm going to pass this class. And I need to pass it. So I got up and left. And fell all over some random guy when I was trying to climb over him in his seat. And I felt even more stupid.

So I cried as I walked home.

I know, that's probably pretty dumb, too. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not cut out for college, because I honestly believe that college isn't for everyone. But I want to be in college, I want my degree. And I know college is hard; everyone struggles. I just let myself get too discouraged because my degree involves a lot of science and math prerequisites, which I am not good at. At all. But when it comes to the core subjects of my degree, you know, all those nutrition classes, I love it and I get it SO well. That all makes sense to me. Anatomy and cells and tissues just don't.

On the bright side, my weight is finally getting back to where I want it! I've lost about 13 pounds since the beginning of summer. I have about 5 left to go and I will be at my happy weight, and my drivers license won't be lying anymore :)

Ups & downs

Last night was....not a good night.

I'm thankful I have the support system I do. My family especially, as they've seen everything over the years and they never fail to build me up.

Over the last few months, Sterling has seen the ins and outs of this issue, and he couldn't be more supportive. He never makes me feel dumb when I cry to him over dramatic girl things, and he always reassures me and builds me back up.

Last night, after crying to him for quite awhile, I had to go babysit for a couple hours. I came home to see this when I walked in the door:

 

He bought Ben&Jerry's, some of my favorite sour gummies, and had the new Teen Mom episode all ready to watch cuddled up together. And he studied all the little pacifier and such pictures from the shows logo, and took the time to draw them.

I think I got pretty lucky with him, don't you think?

Vain.

Sterling and I took our engagement pictures about a month ago. I've been anxiously waiting to see them. I'm really bad at being patient. Yesterday the photographer told us she posted them on her website.

I can't stop looking at them.

The moment we saw them, Sterling predicted I was going to just sit there staring at them everyday. And, um....he was right.

I go through them multiple times a day, admiring how well they turned out, then I think about what cute babies we will make, then freaking out because my bangs are weirdly sectioned in three pictures in a row, then deciding we're a pretty dang cute couple, then freaking out again because Sterling's head is tilted away from me in a picture (what if that's a subconscious signal that he doesn't want to be there next to me!!!), then I see pictures where we're looking at each other and  -dang-  we really do look like one of those cute, so-in-love couples and I think that people should be jealous of us.

Yeah, it just keeps going back and forth like that. But in the risk of sounding conceited, most of my thoughts are about how good we look. Sorry, but we're a damn good couple.

And now I'm once again anxiously awaiting our pictures to be put up somewhere where I can save them to my computer and have them. And, you know, post them on Facebook for everyone to see. Just sayin'...

Have I mentioned I love being a Vandal? 'Cause I really really do. Despite the trillions of annoying participants of the Greek system here, or long-haired hippies who throw their bucket hat across the bleachers and yell obscenities because our team missed a pass, or drunk girls who wedge into the crowded bleacher next to me so they can annoyingly flirt with my friend standing next to me all while constantly flipping their hair on me and grinding their rather large butt against me whenever a song comes on. Yeah, that last one really got on my nerves.

For the most part, the people here in Moscow really aren't bad. They're rather good, even. It's easy to make pleasant small talk with the people sitting next to you in class, it's rare you come across a bitchy girl who just stares at you (though it does still happen). I've yet to encounter a rude professor. The family I nanny for is incredibly nice (both parents are professors, maybe that's why?). The cashiers at Winco and Safeway are nice and patient with me when I'm sorting through my wallet trying to find my coupon for tampons. People always stop in the middle of the road to let me cross on my way to school.

And....I get to wear REALLY cool shirts ;)   It says 'Mighty Vandals' on the front. Yep, it's kinda my new favorite shirt. PS: I totally used a coupon on it :)

 

Moscow is a pretty nice little place.

Can I get an amen?

One year ago tomorrow I met my fiance. Well, technically it was kind of today, since it was a Thursday and the first football game of the year, but it was September 2nd.

I was visiting my friend Corina with the idea that maybe I'd move to Idaho for a bit, but I had gotten pretty homesick and decided that I was going back to California that weekend. In a desperate attempt to keep me in Moscow (she grew up in CA with me and knew the evils of getting stuck in Placerville) she told me she was going to find a cute guy for me here in 'Scow. I laughed and brushed it off, and Corina went to bed.

A little while later, she dashed out of her bedroom and told me her husband Dan found the perfect guy. She pulled up the Facebook profile of some undeniably sexy guy scowling at the camera. Alright, he's got my attention. I'm pretty sure I proclaimed as we were looking through his pictures (stalking to the tenth degree, of course) that he sure did look like my future husband.

After conferring with his roommate Ryan, it was decided that I was going to meet Sterling at the Vandal football game that Thursday night. So we met, we talked, we laughed, we flirted, we kissed, you know the drill. We spent the next two days together.

Then I moved back to California. I was pretty angry that this amazing guy I met had to live 800 miles away, but there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't going to move to Idaho just because of this seemingly great guy who I hadn't even know for a week. So we spent the next few months talking constantly. My cell was never more than a foot away from me. We'd stay up til 3am night after night FB chatting. I had no idea what I expected from this, and I tried to tell myself that it was probably pointless spending so much time talking to and thinking about this guy, but I still couldn't stop myself. So i decided to just see where it went, if anywhere.

He talked me into coming up to Moscow in November for a football game at UI. Maybe it was crazy, but I did it. I took off work and drove 800 miles in one day. We had a great weekend together and were completely inseparable. Again, I went home and didn't quite know what to do. So I did the craziest thing there was to do. I applied to the University of Idaho for the upcoming January semester, I quit my job, I found an apartment in Moscow, and I picked up and moved my life to Idaho.

And now I'm marrying him in 2.5 months.

When you know, you just know.

So...can I start drinking Diet Coke again then...?

I have high blood pressure. Like, way too high for an otherwise healthy 20 year old with no risk factors for high blood pressure. My doctors have no clue why I do. Well, one thinks she does, but I beg to differ. She basically told me I was a frazzled, broken mess and all I needed to do to lower my BP was to sit in a corner and use a prayer box. I needed to find God and quit being an emotional mess. She made me cry in her office. My mom was furious with the woman. I love my mom.

Anyway, here I am a year later and guess what? I found God! Yup. I go to church every Sunday and I read scriptures and I pray (without the use of whatever the hell a prayer box is, thankyouverymuch). But, um, my blood pressure is higher than it's ever been. Maybe I found the wrong God. Whoops.

I've done everything humanly possible it seems to take care of this issue of mine. I've gone to multiple doctors, had tests and bloodwork and ultrasounds, but still nothing. My faulty kidneys are not the culprit. Neither are the coffee, artificial sweeteners, sodium, or caffeine that I've cut out of my diet. It's not genetic. I have no clue.

So in the meantime, I get to listen to stories from my grandma about So-and-so who also had mysterious BP issues, and she had multiple miscarriages and live-births and well, her life is kind of miserable and depressing.

Anyway, my only conclusion is that I'm really this uber-anxious stressed out little bundled up ball of nerves and I'm so used to being that way that I can't even tell when I'm stressed. I just have a constant level of stress. I just said 'stress' waaay too many times in that sentence. I think my body hides things from myself. On second thought, I don't think I'm capable of being that complex.

I know this was a mess of rambling about nothing significant. I apologize.

I'm the worst.

No, really. I'm a horrible blogger. I want to be a good one so bad, and I always think about blogging, but that somehow never translates to me actually sitting down at the computer and writing. Nope, instead I spend hours stalking people on Facebook (mostly wedding pictures) or on weddinggawker.com (doing what else...looking at weddings) or reading whatever blogs I can come across (often by Mormons or about Mormons). I know, I need some new hobbies other than being an engaged Mormon.

School started, and that's keeping me kind of busy too I guess. School feels so different this semester though. I've had many moments sitting in class, looking at the other girls or overhearing conversations, where I start thinking that I wish I went to BYUI. Or Utah State. Because I feel like I'm in a different place than everyone else here lately. I spend my time planning my wedding and thinking of where I want my husband and I to move to and settle down next summer. I have baby fever (I know, that's bad and crazy and whatever). I get excited about a stew that turns out well and about buying a new couch. Not playing beerpong or hooking up with the hot new guy from Delta Kappawhatever.

And I feel very stereotypical saying that. I feel like that's something so cliche and annoying to hear this little 20 year old, newly engaged and suddenly Mormon girl to say. I agree, it is. But I still feel that way. I'm craving living somewhere more LDS-ish. I guess I spent too much time in southeast Idaho and Northern Utah this summer, because I love it there. 

Either way, I love U of I. It's a million times better than living and schooling in California. But I still can't help but get pretty excited about getting to move somewhere else in less than a year.