Thursday, May 26, 2011

Every man may act accordingly to the moral agency which I have given unto him.  D&C 101:78

This is probably one of the weirdest times of my life.

I feel like my Idaho life and my California life are two completely different lives...and they kind of are. Except instead of keeping them fully separate, I'm trying to blend the Idaho part into the California one, and it's just not meshing very well.

It's hard getting so accustomed to living a certain way, then be forced back into your old environment when things were so different. I'm trying to keep up with the things that make me feel like my Idaho self, because that's who I desperately want to be. But it's hard, so hard. No, I'm not going to parties or drinking coffee or anything like I used to--changing that is the easy part.

The hard part is trying to hold onto the spiritual part. I'm going to church here and I'm reading my scriptures, but I'm not surrounded by the LDS culture at all here. There's nobody who understands how and why I'm trying to live the way that I am now, there's nobody to have those theological talks with, there's nobody who just knows what I'm talking about; there's nothing at all that makes me feel the way I had been feeling about the religion and church while I was in Idaho.

I'm not trying to bash California or the people here. I love my family, and it's fun seeing my old friends. It's just so different, and it almost feels like I don't have much of a place here anymore. This isn't what I want for myself, but I'm stuck in it for the next couple of months. I just can't wait to be able to get back to that comfort.

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