Don't worry bout nothing, pray about everything

I have officially left home; the house, town, state I grew up in. Not that I've really even lived there really much of the last year, but this time it is for good. The next time I come home, it'll be with my husband. I'll be married. This week when I go to the Caribou County DMV, I'll be registering my car, getting my Idaho license, and taking the first step to officially giving up my California residency.

A year from now, I have no idea where I'll be living. All I know is that it'll be somewhere in Idaho (at least most likely) and wherever Sterling can get a job, and I just hope that it's near a school where I can finish my degree. That part really scares me, actually. I haven't done anything how my family wanted me to do it, but a degree is the one promise I've made them that I really want to keep.

This whole thing is the most insane mix of scary, exciting, and crazy. I guess it's time for me to just jump in without thinking too much. That's what I did when I first decided to move to Idaho last year, I just liked the idea of it and it felt good, so I did it and never looked back. And things have fallen into place pretty well, it seems. So it looks like it's time to jump again now, and just trust that everything will work out again. This past year has been one big lesson of faith in all things.

Ikea makes me cry.

This might sound like a dumb story, but maybe if I write it out and am able to laugh at myself for it, it won't seem so ridiculous...so here goes.

I've always loved shopping alone. I'd much rather go to the mall or Target or wherever by myself than with friends or anyone (though I do enjoy shopping with friends). I love having free time to wander around Sacramento and see what I can find. So today I decided to go to Ikea to pick up some things for my new apartment.

Firstly, I was proud that I found my way there without getting lost and ending up driving through the ghetto (this happens more often than I'd like). I was very excited about this Ikea trip, because they have tons of great things for cheap.

However, I can promise you I'll never step foot in an Ikea alone again.

The upstairs 'showroom' is a suffocating, confusing, anxiety-attack-inducing maze that traps you. I spent a good half hour following the little black arrows on the floor that promised they'd lead me safely downstairs, only to realize they had me going in circles and weaving back and forth unnecessarily. I COULD NOT FIND MY WAY OUT. It was terrifying. Cue panic attack #1.

Finally, I found my way to a bizarrely shaped staircase that led me downstairs to all the giant aisles of boxes of furniture and such. I found my tables that I wanted, no problem. Then I realized there was no way little ol' me was carrying these two giant boxes to checkout. So I went on a search for a cart-thing....and there were no in sight. After a good 15 minutes of searching (cue panic attack #2), I found one, loaded my boxes, and checked the hell out of that place....only to realize I left the $3 silverware set (that I REALLY wanted) on a box when I was trying to load my giant coffee table onto my cart.

It sounds dumb, but the entire time I was stuck in IkeaHell, I felt the lonliest I've felt in a long time. Nobody else was there alone, they all had their cute little significant other to help them navigate the scary store and pick up heavy boxes and push the dumb carts. I wanted nothing more than to have someone with me. Of course, I was texting The Fiance during this experience, but tried to not let my probably ridiculous-seeming feelings be too obvious for the sake of seeming independent enough to go to freakin Ikea by myself.

But you know what, I can still be an independent woman who just happens to cry in the Ikea parking lot out of pure frustration. I'm also one who now knows not to go to big trendy, scary stores alone!

Sometimes I get sad that I'm not getting married in a Temple. Between seeing pictures of friends' Temple weddings to all these LDS wedding blogs I browse 24/7, it's starting to get to me. It's weird though, because there are plenty of aspects of getting married there that I don't like, like the fact that none of my own family could be there, or that I'd have to wait until next July to get married, or that I'm so used to traditional weddings and the styles and practices of them since I only really knew learned about Temple weddings within the last six months. I still just feel like I'm missing out on something by having a regular ceremony. I'd be missing out on things if we did have a Temple wedding though, too. So I don't really even know what my problem is. I just want everything and I'm stressing out and I want our wedding to be perfect and special and everything we could ever want.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....

So, my life has consisted of some pretty majors events recently, from good to bad to just about everything in-between. Getting engaged, getting baptized, planning a wedding, taking lovely trips to SE Idaho, dealing with disapproving friends and family members, having my two best friends hate me for no reason, thinking I'm getting fired for two weeks straight, my dad actually really losing his job, defending my religious and life choices constantly, continually trying to convince my father I'm not running away and getting married because I hate my family, being away from my fiance for weeks at a time, and just plain being incredibly homesick for Idaho.

I keep thinking I'm going to blog about those things, but...I haven't. And I'm still not going to. Because, honestly? The only two things on my mind are this:

Idaho. Southeast Idaho, to be exact. Though I'd love to be anywhere in the state right now, I've fallen in love with this area...hard. There's just so much space and openess; nothing confines you. I go there and I'm not surrounded by big buildings or suffocating forests or mobs of people or anything. There's just space and you and gorgeousness and room to breathe. It's so different from here. It's my happy place. The fact that my favorite person and my second family are there may have something to do with that, as well. Which brings me to the second thing on my mind:

The one person who can make me happy no matter what is going on in my life, which he has proved time after time. He listens to my problems and is always sympathetic, even when he's heard me whine about the same issue over and over again and is probably more than frustrated that I haven't just used the obvious solution. He talks me through anything and wakes up when I call him at 1am crying. He comforts me and loves me and lets me know it whenever he knows I need to. And he does all of this from 700 miles away.


I absolutely cannot wait until I'm able to combine these two things in 12 days. I will be one happy, happy girl.

I went on a blog-stalking kick and decided that I want mine to be more....life-ish in general, not entirely religious like I've been doing. So hope you enjoy reading all my rather insignificant posts about whatever I feel like writing about at any given time :)

So I can now officially call myself a Mormon. Yep, I’ve been dunked! I’m also officially engaged to my best friend & the love of my life, but that’s a whole other story.

I’m glad I’ve taken this step. My baptism was so nice. All the speeches my soon-to-be family gave were great, and everything just really felt right, like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Now I just need to put some effort in on my part, because I know I’ve been slacking on prayer and reading the scriptures recently. And I know that I probably need to do both of those now more than ever. Now that I have the Holy Ghost, I need to utilize that and give my prayers more direction, and hopefully receive more and better guidance. I’m in major need of strength from somewhere, that’s for sure.

I can’t wait to be back in Moscow (or Idaho in general) with people who understand things better. I’m excited to officially be a member of the ward up there and to make new friends. Yeah, I’m that nerdy kid who’s excited for school to start. Counting down the days, actually.