Monday, September 12, 2011


When I was little, I never cried in public. In elementary school, other kids cried ALL the time. Getting hurt, getting in trouble, being told they couldn't be part of the cool kids 'Club', etc. Kids cry constantly. I prided myself on never crying at school. I can remember one instance throughout all of grade school where I cried. That's all.

College, however, I can probably give you a handful of times I've cried at school. Funny, huh? College has a tendency to upset me, I guess. Sometimes it scares me, like the time I got lost in the parking garage at Sacramento City College and couldn't find my car.

Today, it made me feel stupid. Stupid because I horribly failed my first Anatomy exam, and when I went into that class today, the professor had up the stats from the test, and less than a dozen people scored below me. There are over 300 people in that class. I got upset that I'm the dumb kid. I felt hopeless, because I honestly don't know how I'm going to pass this class. And I need to pass it. So I got up and left. And fell all over some random guy when I was trying to climb over him in his seat. And I felt even more stupid.

So I cried as I walked home.

I know, that's probably pretty dumb, too. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not cut out for college, because I honestly believe that college isn't for everyone. But I want to be in college, I want my degree. And I know college is hard; everyone struggles. I just let myself get too discouraged because my degree involves a lot of science and math prerequisites, which I am not good at. At all. But when it comes to the core subjects of my degree, you know, all those nutrition classes, I love it and I get it SO well. That all makes sense to me. Anatomy and cells and tissues just don't.

On the bright side, my weight is finally getting back to where I want it! I've lost about 13 pounds since the beginning of summer. I have about 5 left to go and I will be at my happy weight, and my drivers license won't be lying anymore :)

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